So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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