i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
