bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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