I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
