Sry I called you an 8
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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