I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
