if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
