Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
