i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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