im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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