Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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