forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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