"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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