no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Say something about gay babies.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
