I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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