I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
