9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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