2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
