It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
