what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
