Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just googled if crying burns calories
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
