I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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