a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
