How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
