Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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