she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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