it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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