I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
