CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
