So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
