There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
