If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
