Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
