Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
