Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
