I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
