Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dicks are not precious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
