im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
