We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
