I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
