Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
