who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
