the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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