when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
