My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
