took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
