You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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