Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
