Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
