When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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