I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
