I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
