WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
